yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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