I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
