Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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