why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
