Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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