I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
