After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
