just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
