I just pynch a tree in the face
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
