tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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