Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
