He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So many bounce houses so little time
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
