she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
