pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
