If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
