at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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