he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
