What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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