i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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