nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
