he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can you bring me the toilet please
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
