I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No subtext here. People are naked.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
