these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
