I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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