just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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