i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
