Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
