a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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