I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
