He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
