My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
