already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You left your phone here
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