You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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