eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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