Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sacagawea was the original milf.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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