You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
