Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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