And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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