and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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