a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
