I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
