got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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