I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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