my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Randomize
