saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
