Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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