Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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