So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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