Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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