i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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