I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
