i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
