I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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